Loretta B. &
Baby Brooke

A Loving Warning: This story involves the death of an infant/child

This story is in dedication to our baby girl Brooke. Brooke was born still, though she had the most beautiful little face that reminded us of an angel.  In fact, we feel as though she lives in our hearts and is truly our guardian angel.

Pebbles and Brooke

For those who have experienced a still birth, or the death of a child, our hearts reach out to yours in love and support. Our advice to those who find themselves in a similar heartbreaking situation is to be gentle with yourself. What helped us move in the direction of healing was to explore different ways in which grief can be expressed. Talking to a professional was helpful, however, we found a significant shift when we invited the idea of ceremony into our lives. We opted to connect with Sarah (who is an absolute gift) to help us create our very own ceremony in which we could include our two boys aged 4 and 6.

We moved gently through the creation process – approaching each step slowly, which gave us time to process as well as to include traditions from our families that were important to us.  

As a family, we decided on a beautiful, wooded area with a small brook near our home as a place that felt sacred and meaningful to us. This is where we would come together and have our private, beautiful ceremony. We chose to lay blankets on the ground, one from each boy when they were newly born and one that had been handmade for their much-anticipated baby sister. We opened our ceremony by holding hands and talking about why we were gathered, and how we would be honouring our little family member. We ensured that we had many conversations and collective wonderings with the boys prior to the ceremony. We checked in with them to gauge their comfort level all along the way and they were eager to participate.

Feelings were shared and a most fitting name was decided upon by the boys – Brooke. We had felt a lot of shame in that we couldn’t decide on the right name in time for her birth, however, this was all the more magical – having the boys ultimately name their sister.

Inspired by one of the rituals Sarah had presented, we prepared medium sized boats of bark ahead of time and along with the boys, filled them with all things magical from the woods. Paying special attention to what their sister might enjoy, they settled on flowers, moss, and a few special pebbles. Together we sang “You are my Sunshine” as we gently launched our memory boats into the water. We stayed awhile to reflect as a family and once ready to leave, at the boy’s request; we sprinkled more of the pebbles into a special spot on the ground so we would “know where to go.”

We were incredibly grateful for Sarah’s guidance and embracing the idea of ceremony. We felt lighter, more connected to our family and it helped to start a healing process we didn’t think was possible. We wanted to share this for any other parent out there, in hopes that they will come to know that they are not alone in how devastating it is to lose a child. Also, as a reminder that there is no right or wrong way to move through your grief. This is what worked for us.

Through this experience, I am reminded that knowing what to say and how to support children during these times is never easy. Though we cannot protect them from the loss and pain it may cause, we can play a significant role in helping them to grieve in the healthiest way possible. Witnessing the children embrace their sister in this way was one of the most beautiful and profound experiences. Much love to all of you out there. Be kind to yourself.

XOXO

This ceremony was created by Sarah Bird with the beautiful collection of rituals from “Be Ceremonial” which can be found at https://www.beceremonial.com/